I've given in :(

[mila]

I did it again yesterday night after over a year break, my longest break The scratches I made are not really bad, but it's the fact I've given in that worries me. I mean, it doesn't count how I hurt myself, but the fact I DID it, and I did it again, even though I thought I was through with that.
And I'm mad at myself for the reason I did it; I did it because of SOMEONE who made me feel bad. I hate hurting myself for what OTHERS do to me, especially since that person doesn't even realize how much it has affected me, and my health.
d**n it.

-edit-
f**kin hell, and I've posted it in the wrong section yet again sorry, it was an accident. Could you please move it, Amy? Sorry for the hassle

[Amy]

It was no hassle Mila, don't worry about it.

I gave in the other day too ... and it sucks i know. You feel like you have it all under control and then bam! something happens and you lose control of the situation ... I think it will always be hard for us ... and i think we will always slip up and make mistakes. The fact that you see it as a mistake is a good thing, because you know how it makes you feel now and that you think it is a bad thing so maybe you wont do it again I'm sorry im not much help, i really dont kno w what to say because i feel the same way as you.

If you need to talk though, i have a friendly ear ... you can email, IM me, or PM me if you like

Amy xx

[lizziebethuk66]

oh im sorry to hear that mila, well at least u lasted a year and u know that u can last that long, dont think about that u have failed, just look ahead and know u can stop, even if u have a relaps (sp)
Hugs

[lovehatetragedy]

The way I see it we are all only human. Yes we are going to relapse now and again. But if i were you i would focus on how far you have come and dont beat yourself up about it too much.
I understand what your going through , as im sure most of us can empathise with you too. Just take each day at a time and keep your chin up mate. If you ever need to talk then add me on messenger, and that applies to everyone. *hugs*

[Amy]

The messenger thing goes for me too, i think my details are in my profile If not, feel free to PM me for them.

[mila]

thanks for being supportive *hug*

there's been a lot of... weird things going on lately. A lot of things I realized thanks to that, and it sort of scares me.

but as faras cutting is concerned, I'm trying again. Perhaps this time I'll have more luck, and want just give in. Hey, maybe I'll break my own record, eh?

[Amy]

Yeah, hopefully you will beat your record ... its difficult, but we can all do it, and one day we'll look back and be glad we gave up ... well hopefully anyway. I had given up for over a year at one point, then i was in hospital ( a psych one) because i was suicidal and i just couldnt deal with anything at all ... so i "voluntarily" got admitted (my CPN thought i should go in, and said it would be better if i did so voluntarilly) so when i was there, i couldnt deal ... didnt want to bother anyone and at the time, i was allowed out for a little while in the days with a friend or family member and i went and bought razors and cut myself in the toilet there ... i got caught , needless to say ... but i had gone over a year ... it is possible , i havent beat my record yet, but i will one day And that was the point i was trying to make .... although i took ages to get around to saying it huh lol