Do you miss it?

[mila]

I didn't know where to put it, so if Amy finds a better place, please move it, ok? thanks

anyhow, the point is, do you miss SI'ing once you haven't done it in a while? It just hit me yesterday. I didn't cut for what, over a year, and yesterday I just felt I missed it, and missed it a lot. I even missed the thrill of trying not to get caught. I missed it, like you miss a person who's been away for a while.
Just how weird is that?

[Amy]

Sometimes I miss it too. It's not weird at all, I think it's normal, same as a drug addict would miss drugs, or an alcholic misses alcohol. It seems strange sometimes living without it ,but it's good we stopped you know? I missed it last week, so I did it again I do it every once in a while when i miss it, but then realise I dont *need* it even though i feel I do.

I do think it's normal to miss it though, I mean, it was a part of our lives for probably a long time (can't remember how long you did it for sorry) and for me, it was a big part of me in some ways.

Anyway, Ill save you from my rambling now, lol

Amy xx

[mila]

it's good to know I'm not the only one who misses it.
I did not give in yesterday, though. I once promised someone I am never going to do it again, and so far, I'm keeping the promise. Only sometimes when I think how long "never" is, it makes me freeze. It is indeed weird to realize it's gone. I miss the thrill, I miss the relief it gave me.

[Amy]

Yeah, I miss all that stuff too and it sucks when you think of how long forever really is, but it'll all be worth it in the end when we're older and think how long it's been since we last did it I think if i go a year without doing it at all, i may have a tattoo ... but im kinda dreading the pain of a tatoo, silly eh? LOL

[mila]

yeah. i guess it's all gonna be worth iit atthe end of the day.
it better would!!!

well, guess what, if I cut myself accidentaly, like while prepearing some food, I panic, I can't look at the blood etc etc but if I do it purposely, it gives me the best feeling ever. Now, that's also silly lol

[Amy]

Lol, I'm the same ... It's different when it's not expected to when it's on purpose

[lizziebethuk66]

ive got a tattoo on my ankle, but i dont think i could ever cut myself on purpose, i think i would faint...lol

[Amy]

Lol that's what I used to think ... I can't explain it, but it doesn't hurt when you do it

[mila]

yeah, I used to be the same. Seeing some articles on people who were cutting, i'd be all like "that's gross. why would anyone want to hurt themselves?"
how very ironic

anyhow, it did hurt me when I was cutting. Actually, I only did it to feel the pain. As long as I felt it, I knew I was like... safe? I can't explain it, but it was something like, hell yeah, at least I'm doing SOMETHING, so all of my faults were forgiven, sort of.
I didn't care for the blood, like some do. I wanted to feel how it hurt.

[lovehatetragedy]

Yeah I still miss self harming. I have not harmed myself for about 3 months and previous to that I nearly did a year.
I think that it never leaves you , such as the craving for cigarettes because i really enjoy having tatoos / piercings , having my blood taken and accidental minor scrapes / cute etc.

[Amy]

***************TRIGGERING******************************



I didn't know about self harm before I started doing it ... never heard of it. When I was 15, my friend used to scratch herself with a compass at school messing around, and one day, i decided to do it, and that did hurt llol ... anyway, only did it once or twice and then didn't do it again until I was 16. I was depressed all the time, and I was stressed with school one day because my teacher wouldnt let me drop a subject unless i had parental consent , and i refused because i said i could make my own decisions, anyway , i was upset andwhen i went home i scratched my wrists with a compass, and that's how it all started, then i went on to using razor blades and then scalpel blades. Anyway, when I was doing it sometimes it would hurt, but sometimes not ... I was numb and just wanted to feel something, it didnt matter what. So yes, sometimes it did hurt, but if i was stressed and wanted relief, sometimes it wouldnt hurt, i cant explain it ... I think it really depended on my state of mind. Sometimes i was kind of out of it.

If i slip up now, I do like it .I like the pain of doing it, and i like teh pain of it after. And yes, it does hurt when i do it now.

It's been 8 days since i last did it, adn before that, over a month. My slip ups are usually more further apart, and im scared in a way that im getting to like it too much again

Amy xx